Letting Go Of Someone You Love: The Pain Of Being Highly Sensitive

Losing someone you love, even when they are still alive but no longer part of your life, creates a unique kind of pain. This absence can feel like a deep wound that is hard to explain or heal; it can be a desperately lonely experience.

The first step is to acknowledge the breadth and depth of your emotions. Remember, these are unique to you and are reflective of your personality and character traits. Not everyone will understand, and that is fine.

You can only feel loss when a connection to someone has been meaningful and genuine. Exactly what the contours of that experience look like is often difficult to articulate, and that is part of the sense of a suffering that is deeply personal; you may not be able to fully understand it yourself, or you may worry that you are 'over-reacting'.

If you are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), that is someone with an innate personality trait known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), you will process sensory information more deeply and react more intensely to people and circumstances .

As an HSP you may pick up on the fact that you are different, and that in itself can be isolating. You might observe other people (seemingly) processing their emotions more quickly, and wonder why, no matter how hard you try, you cannot emulate that.

Research has shown that HSP's frequently turn to literature and poetry as a primary way to navigate and make sense of their suffering. Why? Partly because the nuanced and evocative nature of written art provides a critical framework for understanding their internal experiences. 

There are several specific mechanisms that occur in this respect:

• Validation of Hidden Truths: Reading others' accounts of pain allows HSPs to see their own 'invisible' suffering mirrored and validated, helping them feel less alone in a world that often misunderstands their sensitivity.

  
  

• Catharsis and Emotional Release: Both reading and writing serve as a cathartic release for complex, overwhelming emotions that might be too intense to confront directly.

  
  

• Re-Storying Experiences: Literature allows individuals to take "chaotic, pained thinking" and turn it into structured narratives, reclaiming a sense of agency and identity in the face of hardship.

  
  

• Psychological Distance: For HSPs who are easily overstimulated, reading provides a psychological distance' from suffering, allowing them to explore difficult themes safely through a book or poem.

  
  

• Connecting to Meaning: HSPs often have a deep need for meaningful work and purpose; using literature to share hard-won insights from their own pain helps them feel seen and connected to others. 

As an HSP you may want to have as an aim to reduce the degree of sensitivity you experience. There are some Psychotherapeutic approaches, such as Logotherapy & Existential Analysis, that can help you to de-reflect and affect attitudinal change.

Part of that attitudinal change might be to appreciate the positive aspects of being highly sensitive, such as being attuned to the emotions of others and being a good listener.

Affirming those abilities does not remove the emotional pain that you experience, but it does contextualise it.

One final thought, it is worthwhile asking yourself the question: 'would I like to live a life of insensitivity, or lesser insensitivity, or is that too high a price to pay'?

The answer resides in your heart, your soul, and your mind. Let their wisdom guide you.