What Are You Looking For In A Partner?

Perhaps one of the most searching and fundamental questions we will ask ourselves in our lifetimes is, 'what makes for a good romantic partner'. The answer may seem elusive, after all, we are conditioned by our upbringing, previous relationships, and the mix of expectation and fear that accompanies us on that journey.

We might reflect deeply on those questions; we might not, at least consciously. Regardless, our unconscious is most certainly hard at work sifting through those issues that affect us at the emotional level.

Issues that we might not be aware of consciously often surface in our dreams, where, through symbolism and metaphor, we make sense of those around us and the circumstances thereof.

Dream analysis is a fascinating and profound means of getting to know ourselves at a deeper level. The answers to our questions - what really matters to us - can be explored dreams and the meaning contained within them.

How we interpret our dreams is a vast topic that I will return to ad infinitum in forthcoming blog posts. Suffice it to say that it is an important part of what I offer to my clients.

But returning to the main topic, it is true to say that what we look for in a partner is deeply personal and reflective of our core values. I offer here a number of attributes that have a more general application; some may make sense, others may not. Whatever the case it is vital that we continually ask ourselves challenging questions.

As you look through my list, ask another question of yourself: what do you offer as a partner? What are you good at? What attributes might you need to work on? What would you add to, or take away from my list?

Remember, this list is not exhaustive!

Choose someone/be someone who:

• Knows themselves

• Is honest

• Understands vulnerability

• Is aware of their imperfections

• Values your imperfections

• Is present emotionally and physically

• Listens actively

• Will put you first

• Will make sacrifices for you

• Is fascinated by you

• Wants to grow with you

• Is unceasingly loyal

• Encourages you

• Challenges you

• Wants you to succeed

• Supports your goals

• Is inspired by you

• Smiles when they think of you

• Laugh with you

• Will never give up on you

• Is grateful for you in every situation

• Is forgiving

• Loves you

Quite a list! For each one, reflect on what that means to you in a bit more detail. Don't worry if you find that difficult at first; take your time.

As an example, you may find the 'hidden' parts of another person to be amongst their best attributes. That may seem rather strange, but we are all an amalgam of our experiences, and for most of us, those experiences have not always been easy to endure.

Reflecting on that reality some time ago, I wrote:

You know you truly love someone when:

Their imperfections are sacred,

Their idiosyncrasies are beautiful,

Their scars are humbling,

And their resilience is inspirational.

If that resonates, then you are on your way. After all it was Angelita Lim who wrote, "I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more."

Journey well.