Letters To My Sons: Part 2

This is the second instalment of the 'Letters To My Sons' series. To read more about the rational behind this endeavour, please refer to my previous blog. As always, I hope you find these contributions helpful in some way.

LETTER FIVE

My Dear Sons, 

One of the ways we find meaning in life is to devote ourselves to another person. Implicit in such a relationship is the overarching narrative of a love that is deeply felt.

You may be ‘in love’ at various points throughout your lives, but that is fundamentally different to loving someone. You love someone when you see and feel their essence; you may not be able to articulate it, but you recognise their uniqueness beyond mere words.

You recognise their beauty, but in a different way - a way that has hitherto remained hidden: you see beauty in their scars, their struggles, and their imperfections. You will be inspired by who they are, not what they are; you will appreciate them unconditionally, and you will feel safe in their presence.

And if that love is reciprocated? Then there is nothing more for me to say. You will know a peace that passes all understanding..

If it is not? That will be the most agonising part of your life, until you understand that love, and the purity and meaning of that experience, is not predicated on reciprocity. You must always honour the love you have in your heart, but learn to express it in different ways. 

In time, you will be glad that, in rejection, if that is indeed the outcome, you have been given the opportunity to connect, or reconnect, with the vulnerable parts of yourself. It is that sting of vulnerability that will alert you to the intrinsic strength that resides in the complex architecture of your heart. 

Whatever the case, you will be transformed. That new way of being in the world will affirm the validity of your loving devotion to another person - after all, you cannot control who you love, and you certainly cannot ‘unlove’ them -  but it will also challenge you to love yourself better.

Fidelis esto tibi ipsi: qui per amorem vivit.

Love always,

Dad x

LETTER SIX

My Dear Sons,

Be glad that you have inherited a wonderful sense of Celtic humour, where you can laugh at the absurdities of life and your place within it.

Humour lifts you beyond the confines of your circumstances. No matter what happens, you can always raise a laugh in defiance of an adverse situation.

Always laugh with people: the gift of a smile is precious beyond measure. Laugh with people you barely know, or meet only fleetingly. Laugh with people who do not expect it. Meaningful connections can be forged in those moments; a laugh may just make all the difference to that person.

Be especially grateful for those who make you smile, and laugh, as soon as they enter your mind - this is a sign of a glorious connection. In those moments, it is somehow unimportant whether or not they are present in your life. They may indeed have died or moved on.,but regardless of the situation, their presence still echoes in your heart. Each time you think of them, say a silent prayer of gratitude. 

Laugh at yourself often: there is plenty of material to work with! Weep at misfortune and heartache as you must, but do not let that have the final say. The greatest humour often arises from the darkest of circumstances.

Humour is an integral part of what it means to be human. Be mindful of that as your life unfolds. Seek out those who want to spend time laughing with you; they will invariably be the ones you can cry with too, the ones who will sit with you in your pain and lift you up.

Love always,

Dad x