The Right People Show Up For You. Always.

We may wonder from time-to-time if we are surrounding ourselves with the right people; such questions can arise from disappointment, heartache, or an uneasy realisation that all is not what it should be.

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The actor Rachel Boston expressed what matters most when she said, 'Being surrounded by love and people that care about your heart is the dream. That's what I would like on my last day.'

It might seem like to much to ask that this maxim not only applies to our 'last day', but for 'every day' of our lives, no matter how long or short that may be. I personally do not think that it is: it is not naïve nor is it overly optimistic to expect the best from those we allow into our personal sphere.

However, it does not follow that much work and deep reflection is not required: firstly, to be mindful of what love looks like, and secondly, to be aware of what it does not look like.

Ursula K. Le Guin reminds us that love is dynamic and is always a work in progress: 'Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.'

It demands honesty, loyalty, sacrifice, forgiveness, and presence. If we are not experiencing that from those around us, then we are challenged to ask ourselves why. A crucial part of that internal Socratic Dialogue is to uncover what is missing in such relationships, and when we do, to decide whether or not it is reparable.

Yet, it is not one way traffic: we must ask ourselves the very same questions we ask of others. Do we offer honesty, loyalty, sacrifice, forgiveness, and presence? If not, then why not? What can we do better?

Eschewing the superficial is an important step in this process. As Sadia Hakim wrote: 'Of people, of places - surfaces don't interest me. Depths do.' And that is our calling: to comprehend and explore the contours of the hearts and souls of those who enter our lives, and to invite them to do likewise.

The beauty of life is that we can change our perspectives and attitudes towards our circumstances and the people around us. We are capable of meaningful change.

But we are also capable of making pragmatic decisions to remove people from our lives. We should have high standards in that respect, and not shy away from enforcing them. However, reciprocity and equality demands that must expect to be held to a similarly high standard by others.

In the final analysis, our choices are best made in the spirit of compassion, both for ourselves and for others. The messiness of life and our flawed human nature means that we will get that balance wrong from time-to-time. But how we handle that inevitability is what distinguishes a deep connection from a superficial and ultimately unsustainable encounter.

Nothing worthwhile is ever easy!