Understanding Ghosting: Causes, Effects, and How to Respond

Ghosting has become a common term in today's relationships, especially in dating and friendships. It describes the act of suddenly cutting off all communication with someone without any explanation. This behaviour can leave individuals feeling confused, hurt, and abandoned. In this blog post, we will summarise what ghosting is, why people engage in it, its effects on those who are ghosted, and the best ways to respond in such situations.

What is Ghosting?

Ghosting can happen in romantic partnerships, friendships, or even professional connections. The person who is ghosted often finds themselves bewildered, wondering what went wrong or why the other person chose to vanish.

Ghosting can take many forms, from ignoring texts and calls to unfollowing or blocking someone on social media. For example, a study from the American Sociological Association found that 20-30% of people have experienced ghosting in romantic relationships alone. The suddenness of this action can be jarring, leaving the ghosted individual without closure or clarity about the situation.

There can also be periods of ghosting in long-term relationships as part of a pattern of mixed, confused, and/or confusing signals. Dr. Angela L. Hood said of this, “Mixed signals are a message. Silence is a statement. And vague intentions are a red flag dressed in charm. If you have to guess, it’s not God. If you have to beg, it’s not love. And if you have to play games, it’s not destiny.”

Why Do People 'Ghost' Others?

Several reasons explain why individuals choose to ghost others. Understanding these motivations can shed light on this behaviour:

1. Fear of Confrontation: Many people find it hard to face others about their feelings or to explain why they want to end a relationship. Ghosting allows them to avoid uncomfortable conversations. For instance, a survey conducted by the dating app Hinge found that 33% of users said they preferred ghosting over the potential awkwardness of a breakup conversation.

   
   

2. Lack of Emotional Investment: Sometimes, the person doing the ghosting may not feel strongly about the relationship. They might view it as casual and believe that it isn’t worth the effort to explain their decision.

   
   

3. Desire for Control: Ghosting can give someone a sense of control over the situation. By disappearing, they unilaterally decide how the relationship ends without facing the other person.

   
   

4. Overwhelmed: Life’s demands can feel intense, causing some individuals to ghost as a coping mechanism, or as a fear response that has its genesis in previous relationships. Also, a person dealing with stress from work or family issues might opt to avoid the responsibility of a relationship temporarily.

   
   

5. Social Media Influence: The rise of online dating platforms and social media makes it easier to connect and disconnect. A Pew Research Centre report showed that 57% of adults using dating apps have experienced ghosting, highlighting the role these platforms play in making ghosting easier. This is one of many significant downsides of online dating.

6. 
   

What Are the Effects of Ghosting?

The effects of ghosting can be profound and long-lasting for the person who is ghosted. Shannon L. Alder gave a stark insight into those effects when she wrote: "Nothing hurts more than being ignored, replaced, forgotten.”

There are some common emotional and psychological impacts that are worth mentioning as we try to make sense of ghosting:

1. Confusion and Self-Doubt: Being ghosted can lead individuals to question their worth and wonder what happened, and why did it happen to them. They might replay interactions, searching for clues that could explain the sudden silence. Rumination, by its very nature, rarely results in meaningful outcomes, but it can be a common and understandable initial response.

   
   

2. Feelings of Rejection: Ghosting can feel like personal rejection, leading to sadness and loneliness. According to a recent study published in the journal Emotion, those who experienced ghosting reported a 25% increase in feelings of inadequacy afterwards.

   
   

3. Trust Issues: Experiencing ghosting can lead to difficulties in trusting others in future relationships. The fear of being abandoned again may cause individuals to hesitate in opening up to new partners. They may withdraw completely, deciding that the risk of being ghosted again is too great for them to bear.

   
   

4. Emotional Distress: The lack of closure may result in prolonged emotional distress. Individuals often find it hard to move on, feeling stuck without adequate answers to their questions.

   
   

5. Impact on Mental Health: For some, the effects of ghosting can lead to anxiety and depression. A study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that those who were ghosted were 30% more likely to report poor mental health and well-being.

   
   

Healthy Ways to Respond to Ghosting

While being ghosted can be painful, there are constructive ways to respond to the situation:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: As in all difficult situations, it's vital to recognise your emotions. Allow yourself to feel hurt or confused, but remember that these feelings are transient and do not have the final word in your journey.

   
   

2. Seek Closure for Yourself: Since you may not receive closure from the other person, seek ways to create it on your own. This might involve journaling about your thoughts and emotions, discussing your feelings with someone you can trust, or taking part in activities that are meaningful. Be wary of hyper-reflection, however, so aim for a balanced approach between introspection and healthy forms of emotional distancing.

   
   

3. Avoid Blaming Yourself: Remember that ghosting reflects the other person's inability to communicate effectively, not your worth. Do not internalise their actions and see it as a personal failure.

   
   

4. Focus on Self-Care: Engage in self-care activities that nurture your well-being. This could include exercise, meditation, or spending time with supportive loved ones and friends who boost your mood.

   
   

5. Consider Moving On: While moving forward can be challenging, try to focus on new experiences. You may decide that moving on, at least initially, isn't about starting new relationships, but honouring your need for space and healing. Keep in mind that not everyone will ghost you and healthy connections absolutely do exist.

   
   

6. Encourage Open Communication in Future Relationships: Use your experience to promote open communication in future ties. Be honest about your feelings and create space for others to do the same.

   
   

To Conclude

Ghosting is a complex behaviour that can deeply affect those who experience it. By understanding the reasons behind it and its emotional impact, individuals can better handle their feelings and reactions. Although being ghosted is painful, it is crucial to realise that it can be managed by prioritising self-care and seeking closure independently. Remember, healthy and open communication is vital for building strong relationships, so learning from these negative experiences can lead to personal growth and greater resilience.

One final thought: Psychotherapy can be very useful in assisting you to process thoughts and emotions. It also facilitates the rediscovery of self-worth, boosting confidence, and allows you to look forward with hope and expectation.