Hope Amidst Rejection

Rejection is a universal experience that can elicit a whirlwind of emotions—sadness, anger, even despair. It touches everyone, regardless of age, background, or social standing. In the realms of literature, film, and philosophy, rejection serves not just as a hurdle but as a powerful catalyst for character development and deep reflection on what it means to be human.

Each of us reacts to perceived rejection in different ways, from a relatively low level of short-lived distress at one end of the spectrum, to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) at the other. Although RSD is not an official diagnosis, it is reflective of an extreme emotional sensitivity to perceived or actual rejection and criticism which can cause intense and long-lasting feelings of shame and anxiety.

This blog post examines the nuanced nature of rejection, sharing insights from renowned thinkers like Friedrich Nietzsche, Søren Kierkegaard, and Viktor Frankl, along with various artistic expressions that shed light on this important facet of the human condition.

Rejection as an Existential Crisis

Rejection often precipitates an existential crisis, a pivotal moment when we confront our value and place in the world. It challenges our self-perception and can lead to deep introspection.

In many stories, characters face rejection head-on, embarking on transformative journeys that reveal profound truths about themselves and their connections with others.

Notably, rejection's impact goes far beyond personal relationships. It can also resonate in societal and cultural contexts. For example, when someone is rejected by their community, for whatever reason, or experiences cultural displacement, it may spark a crisis of identity.

Whilst not 'fitting in' can bring with it a sense of liberation, it can also mute important connections.

This theme is a recurring element in literature. In classics like "The Stranger" by Albert Camus, the protagonist Meursault wrestles with his detachment and the societal rejection that follows.

In film, we constantly see rejection depicted through compelling narratives that stir empathy and understanding. For instance, in "Good Will Hunting," the character Will initially rejects help, feeling unworthy of it. Over time, he learns to embrace vulnerability, ultimately redefining his identity and changing his life trajectory in a positive and meaningful way.

Nietzsche on Rejection

Friedrich Nietzsche, the provocative German philosopher, provides a refreshing perspective on rejection. He argued that rejection can motivate personal growth and self-improvement. Nietzsche famously said, "What does not kill me makes me stronger." This suggests that navigating the pain of rejection can lead to resilience and a deeper self-understanding.

Nietzsche’s "will to power" emphasises embracing challenges, including rejection. He encouraged individuals to face their struggles, not shy away from them. This mindset, at le\st theoretically fosters a proactive approach to rejection, turning it into an opportunity for self-discovery and empowerment.

In his philosophy, Nietzsche introduces the concept of the "Übermensch," a figure who transcends societal norms. Rejection, from this lens, becomes essential for reaching one's potential. For instance, artists like Vincent van Gogh faced constant criticism yet continued to create, eventually influencing the art world profoundly. Without that criticism, one may wonder if his creativity and output would have been less impactful.

Personally, I am not persuaded by Nietzsche's "will to power" argument, but it is nevertheless a concept that many find helpful.

Kierkegaard on Rejection

Søren Kierkegaard, a foundational figure in existentialism, also examined rejection and despair. He described despair as a disconnection from one's true self. Kierkegaard believed that when individuals face rejection, their limitations and fears often become glaringly evident.

His notion of the "leap of faith" emphasises the necessity of embracing uncertainty and vulnerability. He suggested that true self-acceptance is rooted in facing rejection and owning one's authentic self. This process can be painful, but it often leads to a richer understanding of one's identity.

Authenticity and self awareness does not always occur quickly, rather it takes time. As Henry David Thoreau commented, "If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment".

In Kierkegaard’s view, rejection can spur spiritual growth. For instance, he believed that confronting the pain of rejection can deepen one’s relationship with oneself and others. The path to self-acceptance is rarely straightforward; it often involves navigating the intricate landscape of human emotions and relationships.

From a personal perspective, I find Kierkegaard's existential approach far more persuasive than Nietzsche's.

Frankl on Rejection

Viktor Frankl viewed rejection in a similar way to Kierkegaard. He was at pains to point out that rejection was not an indictment of one's worth, rather it is an opportunity to exercise free will by choosing one's attitude towards suffering.

In acknowledging and accepting the pain of rejection, Frankl posited that it opened the way to find a deeper meaning, transforming it into a opportunity for growth and resilience.

This perspective encourages a shift from seeing an obstacle as a personal defeat to viewing it as an invitation to learn and make something meaningful out of the experience. In other words, rejection acts as a catalyst for self-transcendence, moving beyond difficult emotions and reaching out to others in new ways.

Unsurprisingly, as a practitioner of Logotherapy and Existential Analysis, the "Third Viennese School of Psychotherapy" founded by Frankl, I identify most closely with his worldview. It is a model of empowerment, reflected in Janet Autherine's writing:

“Embrace the Sun

To the sun, you are everything.

To the clouds, you will never be enough.

Stop chasing the clouds in your life.

You don’t have to chase the sun, it will find you.

Just have faith and walk towards the light.”

Literature and Film on Rejection

This is of course a vast topic therefore my comments are cursory.

Both literature and film provide rich narratives that delve into rejection across various contexts. In "The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger, Holden Caulfield grapples with feelings of alienation. His experiences highlight the severe impact of societal rejection on mental health, making readers reflect on the need for connection and acceptance.

Contemporary cinema offers powerful examples as well. In "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," the characters grapple with love and rejection. Their experiences underscore the emotional roller-coaster rejection unleashes, as well as the healing that can emerge from it. These stories resonate deeply with audiences, acting as a mirror to their own struggles.

Moreover, the examination of rejection in these artistic styles often comments on societal norms. Characters who challenge conventional expectations frequently face rejection, prompting viewers to reconsider what true acceptance entails and the courage required to be authentic.

Embracing Rejection

Ultimately, the journey through rejection is not only about overcoming adversity; it is also about understanding ourselves better and finding our place in a world that may, from time-to-time, feel distinctly unwelcoming. As we continue to explore rejection in various forms of art and philosophical thought, we are reminded of the defiant power of the human spirit and the wisdom of owning our vulnerabilities. Consequently, although it may seem counter-intuitive, there is much hope in rejection.