Letters To My Sons: Part Five

It is not unusual for fathers to struggle to verbalise the breadth and depth of love they have for their children. Perhaps they do not feel the need to do so. But for me, it matters greatly how we articulate our love for others, the need for it to be congruent with our actions and the driving force in all that we do.

In a world where the word 'love' is used to describe a multitude of relationships, it is important that we take time to reflect on what it means to us personally.

We love our children, but in what way? How is that love demonstrated and brought to life in a meaningful way?

I explore a very small part of that vital question in the latest of my 'Letters To My Sons' blog series.

LETTER 10

My Dear Sons,

‘I have known and loved you since before you were born’ is a phrase I often use when I reflect on the profound impact you had and continue to have on me as a dad.

The moment when I first became aware of your existence – two lines on a pregnancy test kit – was a moment when I was overwhelmed with gratitude, and a sense of hope that passes understanding.

I knew and loved you then.

Each moment when I saw your heartbeat on a scan and was so overwhelmed with joy and anticipation, I could not speak.

I knew and loved you then.

Each moment when I felt you moving around and stretching in your mum’s tummy, I was enthralled and felt a physical connection with you.

I knew and loved you then.

Each moment I read to you or talked to you – about anything and everything – again, when you were in your mum’s tummy, I felt an ineradicable emotional connection with you.

I knew and loved you then.

Each moment when we attended ante-natal classes, and check-ups, I felt the reality of your presence and how integral you were to me.

I knew and loved you then.

So, when you were born, I already knew you, and I already loved you. To see you, to hold you, and to talk to you was beyond what I could ever have imagined. I still cannot describe it adequately with words, except to say that it was a deeply spiritual experience.

That experience continues to resonate today, as you grow and develop as decent, unique, fascinating, loving and inspirational young men.

My love for you began before you knew me, and that is a gift I carry with me in my heart. I see it in reflected in your eyes each time we are together, or I feel it in my dreams, or whenever I think of you.

If, and when, you become a Dad, you will understand in an instant what I have felt, and you will never be the same again; you will feel love in a manner and intensity you never though possible. You will be able to say to your own child, and from the depth of your heart:

I knew and loved you always.

With love,

Dad x