To Forgive Or Not To Forgive?

Forgiveness is a deeply personal and complex facet of human behaviour that is often understood in a religious context. Yet it transcends the faith dimension and speaks to our very sense of humanity and connection.

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The Holocaust Survivor, Psychiatrist, and Founder of the Third Viennese School of Psychotherapy (Logotherapy & Existential Analysis), Viktor Frankl opined in his seminal work, 'Man's Search for Meaning':

'Each of us has his own inner concentration camp... we must deal with, with forgiveness and patience - as full human beings, as we are and what we will become'.

Forgiveness then, is rooted in how we view ourselves, but also how we connect with others. To forgive is an act of self-transcendence, an acknowledgement that, as Desmond Tutu wrote:

''My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together'.

The reality of life, as we conceptualise it in Logotherapy, is that we will all experience the 'tragic triad' of guilt, suffering, and death. However, there is also the opportunity to realise the core elements of 'triumphant triad' characterised by healing, meaning, and forgiveness.

The centrality of forgiveness means that it can, and does, hold a significant place in the therapeutic journey of those who embark on this specific form of existential Psychotherapy.

However, it is crucial to emphasis that forgiveness cannot be forced upon anyone. Not only would that be unethical, it would represent a negation of an individuals autonomy and freedom to find their own path through their suffering.

For some, forgiveness is not an option, for others is it a painful process, and there are also those who experience forgiveness almost as a way of being in the world.

It is not the role of anyone, let alone a Logotherapist, to make judgements on how people respond to adversity perceived to originate in the actions of others. That said, the exploration of forgiveness, not as an abstract idea but as an existential reality, can be a fruitful avenue to understanding ourselves and others more fully.

One final thought: self-forgiveness is often the most arduous and convoluted of all forms of forgiveness. In such scenarios, self-recrimination, guilt and shame, represent a powerful admixture that can be difficult to resolve.

So to forgive, or not to forgive?

That is your choice to make.