Understanding the Fine Line Between 'Giving Up' and 'Having Had Enough'

When faced with difficult situations, it can be hard to tell whether we are giving up or simply recognising that we have had enough. This distinction matters because it shapes how we respond to challenges and how we view ourselves. Understanding what it feels like to have had enough, and what existential philosophy and psychotherapy say about this state, can help us make clearer decisions and find healthier ways to cope.

What Does It Mean to Give Up?

Giving up often carries a negative connotation. It suggests surrendering before trying hard enough or losing hope prematurely. When someone gives up, they may feel defeated, powerless, or ashamed. This feeling can come from external pressure, fear of failure, or a lack of relevant resources.

For example, a student who stops studying for an exam because they believe they cannot pass might be giving up. They may feel overwhelmed but have not yet reached a point where continuing is truly impossible or harmful.

What Does It Mean to Have Had Enough?

Having had enough is different. It means reaching a limit where continuing a situation causes more harm than good. This feeling often comes with clarity and a sense of self-preservation. It is not about weakness but about recognizing boundaries.

Imagine someone working in a toxic job environment for years. When they finally decide to leave, it is not because they gave up but because they have had enough of the stress, disrespect, and lack of growth. This decision can bring relief and a renewed sense of control, meaning, and purpose.

How Does It Feel When We Have Had Enough?

• Emotional exhaustion: Feeling drained and unable to muster energy for the situation.

• Physical symptoms: Tension, headaches, or other stress-related issues.

• Mental clarity: A sudden or gradual realization that continuing is no longer sustainable and a definitive decision needs to be made.

• Desire for change: A strong urge to alter the situation, or at least how one views it, or remove oneself completely from it.

• Peace in decision: Despite difficulties, a sense of relief or calm after deciding to draw a line under a line under a particular chapter in life.

  
  

These feelings signal that the situation has crossed a personal threshold, and that the status quo is neither sustainable or desirable.

What Does Existential Philosophy Say?

Existential philosophy focuses on individual freedom, choice, and responsibility. It emphasises that people create meaning through their actions and decisions. When someone has had enough, existential thinkers would say this is a moment of authentic choice.

Philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre argued that humans are "condemned to be free," meaning we must constantly choose how to respond to life’s challenges. Choosing to leave a harmful situation is an exercise of this freedom, not a failure.

Existentialism also acknowledges the anxiety that comes with making such choices. This anxiety is natural because it involves uncertainty and the unknown. However, facing this anxiety and making a decision is part of living authentically.

What About Existential Psychotherapy?

Existential psychotherapy helps people explore their feelings about freedom, responsibility, and meaning. When someone has had enough, therapy can support them in understanding their limits, setting boundaries, and making conscious choices.

Therapists encourage clients to:

• Reflect on values: What matters most to them in life.

• Accept responsibility: Recognize their role in shaping their situation.

• Face anxiety: Understand that fear is part of change but does not have to control decisions.

• Create meaning: Find purpose beyond the current struggle.

  
  

For example, a person stuck in a long-term unhappy relationship might feel trapped and limited in how they experience life. Existential therapy would help them explore whether staying aligns with their values and expectations, what changes (if any) could be made to sustain the relationship, or if leaving is the best option to achieve a more balanced and authentic life.

Existential therapy takes seriously the idea that we have the freedom to make specific choices, but we are not free from the consequences of those decisions. In that respect, it is not about making a decision based on expediency, rather it is a recognition that hard choices are often complex.

Viktor Frankl put it this way: ''It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual'.

Practical Tips for Recognizing When You Have Had Enough

Existential Psychotherapy provides the backdrop to the decision-making process, but it is worth making some general points with a practical application. These can be summarised as follows:

• Listen to your body: Notice signs of stress and exhaustion.

• Check your emotions: Are you feeling hopeless or just tired? Distinguish between temporary frustration and deep dissatisfaction.

• Evaluate your options: Can the situation be changed, or is it fixable?

• Seek support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or professionals.

• Set boundaries: Decide what you will no longer tolerate.

• Plan your next steps: Whether it’s leaving, asking for help, or changing your approach.

  
  

Examples of Having Had Enough vs. Giving Up

There are numerous examples of how we can view the 'having enough' versus 'giving up' dichotomy. I've listed four here as very basic examples; you might want to think about your own life situations and compare the two approaches using your own data/information.

Once you have decided what 'having had enough' looks like for you, then you can think in more detail about your options. For example, ending a toxic relationship is neither a simple nor binary choice: there are both 'costs' and 'benefits' that need to be explored further. The costs may related to the impact on children, the financial implications of divorce, present and future living considerations, etc. The benefits may be easier to delineate, but will also vary depending on the specific path you choose to take.

The level of complexity is beyond the scope of this article, so I shall likely revisit it in a future blog post.

Final Thoughts

Knowing the difference between giving up and having had enough helps us make decisions that respect our limits and values. It is not about weakness or failure but about self-awareness and courage.

When we give up, we relinquish control of our lives and acquiesce. But when we have had enough, we take control by differentiating what is meaningful to endure and what to leave behind. It is an active choice, not necessarily the easiest choice.

That is why it is helpful to work through your thoughts and emotions with someone you trust, whether that be a friend and/or a therapist.

In the final analysis, you know yourself best. The choice is yours to take: whether to give up, or to realise that you have had enough and choose a different and more informed path, one that is, in Viktor Frankl's words, guided by 'right action' and 'right conduct'.

Life is not easy.