To Trust or Not To Trust: Navigating Complex Questions In Relationships.

Scott Peddie
Aug 7
4 min read

Trust is a foundational element in any healthy and meaningful relationship. It forms the base for emotional closeness, safety, and mutual respect. Without trust, relationships risk becoming weak, leading to missed opportunities for rewarding interactions.

In this post, we will explore what trust means, discuss its importance in relationships, identify the reasons trust is lost, reflect on the mental health impacts of trust loss, and consider how trust can be rebuilt.

Definition of Trust

At its core, trust is a firm belief in the integrity, ability, or character of someone. It’s based on the expectation that a person will act in line with our positive assumptions about them. Trust means predictability, reliability, and a sense of safety in our relationships.

When we trust someone, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable because we believe they will respect our feelings, needs, and boundaries. This openness paves the way for deeper connections, enabling better communication and emotional support.

Interpersonal trust pertains to personal relationships—romantic, familial, or platonic. It requires openness, honesty, and connection.

For example, studies show that couples who report high levels of trust are 50% more likely to express satisfaction in their relationship compared to those who do not.

How Important is Trust in Relationships?

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved". George MacDonald

The role of trust in relationships is critical as it has a significant impact on overall well-being. Relationships with high trust experience less conflict, more affection, and better communication.

In contrast, a lack of trust leads to misunderstandings, jealousy, and insecurity. For example, nearly 40% of individuals in untrusting relationships report feeling emotionally isolated.

Without trust, partners may retreat emotionally, undermining the relationship’s foundation.

Why and How is Trust Lost in Relationships?

Trust is delicate and can easily be broken. Common reasons for trust loss include:

Breach of Promises: When someone fails to keep promises, feelings of betrayal arise, leading to diminished trust.
Deception: Lying or hiding significant information can result in an immediate trust loss, making individuals feel vulnerable and manipulated.
Disrespect: Disregarding or invalidating someone’s feelings can damage trust by signalling a lack of care or commitment.
Past Trauma: Previous negative experiences can affect how individuals trust in new relationships, often carrying this burden forward.
Neglect: Emotional unavailability or lack of support can lead to questioning the integrity of the other partner.

Recognising these reasons is essential for positively navigating relationships and addressing important issues as and when they arise.

Each individual reacts differently to specific 'triggers'.

For example, one person may find deception and disrespect to be particularly overwhelming; it may be the first time they have experienced it in a relationship, and there is no past history of trauma. Another person may experience all five elements to varying degrees.

What are the Impacts of a Loss of Trust on Mental Well-Being?

The effects of losing trust can be devastating and can negatively influence mental health in various ways. For example:

Increased Stress: Trust issues create anxiety as individuals constantly question the intentions of those around them.
Emotional Withdrawal: A loss of trust often leads people to pull back emotionally, impacting their willingness to seek out support.
Cognitive Dissonance: Juggling conflicting feelings—such as loving someone while feeling unable to trust them—creates internal conflict and distress.
Distrust in Future Relationships: Past experiences of betrayal can lead to scepticism, making it difficult to form healthy connections in the future.

The cycle of trust loss can impact not only mental health, and in some cases physical health, but also the overall quality and sustainability of relationships.

Can Trust be Rebuilt?

The question of whether trust can be repaired is complex and depends on the individual and the specific nature of their circumstances.

For some, a breach of trust is so injurious it is a terminal event - they will end the relationship and this will be irrevocable.

If there is a recurrent loss of trust, particularly after an apparent reconciliation, then the damage might be even more challenging to repair. Think of it this way: A 'single point' loss of trust (for example a lie told about a previous relationship) may be less complicated and painful to address than 'multiple' events (such as repeated infidelity), but there are no hard and fast rules.

In some cases, trust can be restored, though it takes considerable effort and time from both individuals. Here are several steps to consider:

Open Communication: Honest discussions about feelings and concerns are crucial for rebuilding trust.
Acknowledge Responsibility: The person who broke the trust should take responsibility. A sincere apology is often a vital first step.
Re-establish Reliability: Trust rebuilding requires consistent behaviour over time. Keeping promises and being dependable helps restore faith.
Seek Professional Help: Enlisting the support of a therapist can provide guidance and resources for effective communication and rebuilding. This can be done individually, and/or with an experienced couples therapist.
Create New Experiences: Sharing positive experiences, like a trip or a new activity, can help to recreate feelings of safety and connection.

While the path to rebuilding trust can be challenging, to say the least, it is possible with commitment and patience.

Final Thoughts

Trust is vital in any relationship, with a significant impact on emotional well-being. By understanding its, recognising the consequences of trust loss, and knowing the avenues for restoration, individuals can navigate their relationships more effectively.

Working to cultivate trust and being aware of actions that may harm it opens doors to deeper connections and healthier emotional lives. Investing in trust is not only about nurturing relationship bonds; it’s also about committing to your mental well-being.

For some, a loss of trust will end the relationship: the anguish and trauma will be insurmountable and the impact too great. For others, they decide to work on repairing and rebuilding trust, with the hope of a positive outcome.

As always with complex questions, the answers are never straightforward and we must choose our own way forward.